I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
