Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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