Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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