Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
