There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
