i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
