Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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