he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
