If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
