I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
