do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
