Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
