Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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