Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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