i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
