I'm lost and stupid without you.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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