she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
