I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
