it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
