Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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