It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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