Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
