Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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