It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Randomize
