That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
