You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
