i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
