Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
