Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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