Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Randomize
