Please, let me fuck your mom
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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