Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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