That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize