how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
