I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
