Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
