On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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