I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i drank out of a bidet.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
