Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
