I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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