Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
