my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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