Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
