I think my vagina is haunted
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
