i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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