Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize