LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
