I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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