I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
