Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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