thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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