The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
