So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
