On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Green mimosas i think yes
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
