YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
