They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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