Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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