Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I am midnight drunk by noon
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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