Ambien. No doubt about it.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
