Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
