does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
