Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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