it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
