Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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