one word: firstdatebathroomanal
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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