that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
