it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Quick, to the slutcave!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
