we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My dick has a subreddit
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
