Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
